Notice! Reflections I share in these writings are in many ways not politically correct, and can probably step on several toes. My musings regarding quite clearly defined perspectives of the feminine and masculine, as portrayed by Chris Bale - and to a great extent Kim Anami - resonate with me and my own perception of reality.
There are of course nuances. And there are of course numerous sources and individuals that may resonate more with you. You choose whether these are perspectives you wish to read/learn about, or not. But I share my thoughts either way, as these aspects have meant a great deal for my relationship to myself; and my relation to men and women in my own life: so there might be others who also find enrichment from diving into these subjects - in the way I present them through the writings on this page.
Feminine energy, masculine energy; healthy femininity, unhealthy femininity; healthy masculinity, unhealthy masculinity
Intimacy, closeness, contact, bodily, emotionally, spiritually, energetically - sexually - flow, dynamics - yin and yang
There are many aspects that can be drawn into reflections on what it means to born with a man's body, and what it means to be born with a woman's body;
What feeling born into the wrong body entails;
What feeling attracted to men, women, both sexes, no sexes, entails.
We can quickly find ourselves treading stormy waters: politics, religion, ideals, health - waters I will not fully address in these musings. My focus in this text is on what I have learnt - experienced - and feel enriched from - these past years: regarding femininity and masculinity;
Body and mind
Women are from Venus, men are from Mars?
We cannot ignore the fact that a woman's body and man's body are different from each other: no matter the identity, sexual preferences and attractions.
The female body is capable of facilitating the development, and birthing, of new life into our earthly existence on this planet. Cycles of hormones, fertility and energies guide women through phases of creativity; reflection; activity; feelings; needs; and cravings.
The male body is capable of complementing the female body's ability of carrying forth new life, and necessary for this to even take place; as well as protect the needs of himself, the woman and the new life created from the melting together of the qualities that the male- and female body make possible.
Men are generally more prone for the possibility of building physical (and mental) strength and deal with ordeals; women are generally prone for greater capacity to multitasking and care.
Men have greater abilities for focusing on single tasks - perform to the fullest until the goal is reached - and then focus on the next endeavour. Women have greater abilities for taking on multiple tasks - change between them according to the needs for action - and then know what remains when it is time for a break (and picking up where they left off when the break is over).
I have heard it explained as the man's mind having several small boxes, or compartments, where he opens one at a time when it is appropriate to address each box's content: usually only one box being focused on at a time.
In a woman's mind there is only one box, or compartment, where all the content is partly within focus and reach at all times: with the woman focusing more strongly on what is of greater urgency, all the while easily shifting her focus to something else - when the need arises.
So men and women are equipped with qualities that fulfil each other; have their own strengths, but also need the other's strengths; in coexistence - striving for flow and balance.
Feelings, thoughts and stress
Because of our differing hormonal patterns, we also have different ways of expressing ourselves - think - and adjust to stress in our lives.
Men can easier get stressed in more defined periods of time: and usually address each stress-factor efficiently, so that the stressor is eliminated and their stress levels swiftly reduced.
Women can more easily deal with stress from several factors at once: and are prone to addressing them all at once; a little of each at a time; before they experience the overall stress-momentum being reduced.
Actually, women are said to be leading more constantly stressful lives in our modern societies; due the many roles to be filled - all the time;
Whilst men can experience more varying stress levels, that fluctuate according to the tasks and roles being dealt with/entered into; in more of a rolling succession.
In this regard, it follows naturally to take a closer look at how our societies contribute to our experiences of stress - and distribution of roles:
Healthy and unhealthy masculinity
Equality is important for creating opportunities, justice and fair distribution in our society. But have we moved too far towards similarity and likeness?
Equality is good. But striving for a uniform same perception of men and women is less good, in my opinion: in light of women and men being fundamentally different in how we function.
Chris Bale expresses this beautifully. After having consumed a lot of content he shares, I am left with the following thoughts:
There is not room for healthy masculinity in today's society. There is not enough room for healthy femininity in today's society either, though the masculine is worse off.
Masculine men are dangerous; men can hurt women; men should suppress their impulses when they emerge as rebellion towards the established norms - penetrating energies wanting to make way for something new - with needs and wishes for doing things differently than what society is constantly correcting them towards.
But being a man is not dangerous: when the man embraces his healthy masculine energy. A strong man is not a danger to women. A strong man - with healthy masculinity - directs his energy towards protecting women; supporting women; creating space for women; collaborating with women; existing in completion with women (and other men).
Unhealthy masculinity - resulting from lack of opportunities for getting to know his own energy; his own emotions; his own strengths; his own weaknesses; his abilities to use the penetrating dynamic masculine energy to the best of the community: the unhealthy masculine energy can act out in ways that do not benefit himself or others - if not encouraged to get to know himself; if not guided by other healthy male roll models; if not allowed to break free of the feminine caring safe haven - being forced to find his own way in life (though with the love and support from the healthy feminine, in himself and from others).
Chris Bale points out that we have a lack of men in today's society: instead, we have a great many full grown boys who have never received the gift of meeting themselves fully - with all the challenges, but ultimately strengths, this entails.
Healthy and unhealthy femininity
Again: equality is good. But women should perhaps strive less for being treated the same as men. Because women are not men!
If women wish to enter into roles of leadership in various contexts, they are more than capable of being enriching and skilful leaders - on their own terms. But focusing on their masculine energies, and suppressing their life-nurturing feminine energies, is not the way - as I have experienced in my own (emotional) body.
Chris Bale shares of his insights into women's roles in today's society, having worked with thousands of women throughout the years.
In the quest for equality women have not necessarily put aside their conservative feminine roles, but rather added on numerous masculine roles - resulting in that one box in the mind being completely filled up with stressing focuses that all demand to be addressed during the course of each and every day.
The result: in a world full of grown boys who have never learnt to embrace their abilities of becoming healthy, masculine men; women are overwhelmed with all the roles they take on - from a wish of practically being men in addition to their female roles.
Sure, it is not as black and white as these musings may portray - but brought to a head I find it easier to see it clearly: and thereby easier to reflect upon the effects this has on my own life - and my coexistence with men and women in my life.
Unhealthy femininity - resulting from the lack of opportunity for letting go of the reins; surrendering to the clear, penetrating masculine energy from men; so that women can allow the creative, loving, creating, rejuvenating feminine energy to fill them completely - and thereby bathe all other men, women and children in this same care they offer themselves; rather than draining all reserves in a continuous flood of roles and tasks.
Chris Bale points out that women in today's world are struggling to take care of everyone: children, grown boys, women and themselves. He expresses that today's women are not just mothers to their own children, but also to their men - who are not allowed (or encouraged) to penetrate their own way into healthy manly grown-up existence.
We are trying, are we not? Women give all their care and love to their children and men - wishing for them to thrive and be happy?
Men gift all their efforts and care to their children and women - whilst attempting to facilitate women's wishes and abilities for taking the lead in various roles in today's world?
Yes, of course! However, continuing on from the aspects I have attempted to bring to light and share reflections upon, we have created an unnatural framework for our differing qualities and capabilities as men and women.
We are not facilitating men's crucial transitions from boyhood to manhood, with strong male roll models. Instead we have the same setup for boys and girls, with the same structures and guidances in place - except for the learning about our differing experiences of bodily changes in puberty.
Mothers support, influence and correct their sons - and so do the fathers - when what the sons actually may need is encouragement to trial, error and learn from their trials and errors, until they rise - strengthened and matured - as healthy masculine men - accepting the love and praise from their parents: but without needing confirmation from anyone other than themselves. For it is the man alone who can find his inner guide and path in this life.
Daughters learn that the huge, creative and loving energy they feel flow out towards everyone and everything in their life, with timely violent emotional expressions, is all too much for our conform and ordered societal structures. If you are to get somewhere in life, you cannot let your emotions lead you: you must use your head, reflect and be mentally rational in relation to your goals for the future. The fact that parts of your cycle renders you needing internal resignation and reflections, giving rise to insights; and other parts of your cycle needing to express yourself through activity, creativity, effort and creation; this must all be kept in check and spread out evenly in each day - so that the previous and following days are as similar to today as possible.
Boys sent out on a walkabout in the wild, who get to test their boundaries; dig deep into themselves in search for the qualities that strengthen them and guide them in challenges they face, with strong men's wisdoms fresh in mind; return to their mothers' and fathers' embraces with great pride for their own accomplishments - as adult men with clear goals for forming their own lives.
Girls who are allowed full expression of their emotions - with as much passion and intensity as their needs demand - regain their natural abundance of creative energy: with all the love and care they know to gift themselves; so that it grows into great surpluses to be showered onto children, men and other women in their lives.
Only women can birth children. Only women can feed children the first part of their lives in the way that nature intended; and women have the greatest ability to be lead by the healthy feminine emotional expression to the fullest - whether in form of words or their presence.
Only men can host the full extent of the healthy masculine energy, and lead in penetrative, clearly defined and safe paths forwards for everyone in their vicinity: with the inner assurance of who they are; why they choose as they do; and why others react to them as they do.
Women embody masculine energy, but as nature has brought about; they embody more of the feminine energy and qualities. Men embody feminine energy, but as nature has brought about; they embody more of the masculine energy and qualities. Both men and women have needs and wishes for complementing the other, and being fulfilled by the other. And when this is allowed to happen we experience a synergy that creates even greater safety; greater creativity; greater love; greater abilities for leading harmonic lives in coexistence.
Sex and intimacy
Women can only have an orgasm through stimulating the clitoris. Men have an orgasm as soon as the penis is stimulated enough - before they collapse and fall asleep.
Hm. This is not true, if we are to believe both Kim Anami, Chris Bale and everyone who experiences otherwise.
Sex being a shameful taboo, with little room in the public sphere - except for sex-toy-shops and porn - is maybe not far from the truth?
Despite the fact that sex is such a big part of our lives! Our urges, instincts, cravings, needs, wishes - even our existence!
Orgasms that keep on lasting and filling the body, soul and mind at the same time, in an ecstasy as from another world; completely consuming us in life-giving, life-creating and universal vitality; with the possibility of completely changing our lives into fuller, richer, self-realising and effortless flows; this is the reality proclaimed by Anami and Bale - though in quite differing facets.
Chris Bale emphasises the importance of men working on themselves; growing up from big boys to healthy, strong men: thereby being able to fulfil women's needs for penetration on the mental, emotional and physical levels; but then also choosing female partners who are not striving to mother them - as they know to prefer healthy feminine influences on their own healthy masculine energy.
Bale emphasises the importance of women demanding from men that they do this work of identifying their healthy, masculine energy: so that the women can themselves let go of the reins, surrender fully to the masculine penetration, thereby allowing the healthy feminine energy to fill them completely - and overflow to the benefit of both the men and women.
Kim Anami teaches techniques, philosophies, exercises and wisdom for how both women and men can reach orgasms that lasts longer - with sex for hours on end without either the man or woman "tipping over" before the creative, life-creating vital force has filled them both: and is carried with them into more effortless lives filled with love and ease.
Both Anami and Bale speak of men's ability of deciding whether or not to ejaculate, and learn to channel the sexual energy into the whole body - to circulate the penetrative energy in their own body, whilst also filling the women. They both talk of women's need for a safe, harmonic and liberating experience of sexual intimacy - where the woman can allow herself complete surrender to the masculine penetration that lasts and lasts - while they feel seen, felt and taken care of - until they open to the orgasmic, explosive experience of emotions in need of release: leaving them nurtured and softer than ever before.
Both the man and woman can then experience the gift they need for themselves, and each other; with a more direct connection to the universal creative force we are all a part of - but do not learn how to channel into our lives.
Effort and determination is needed for the deep dives into our darker sides, suppressed emotions, painful experiences, traumas, self-denying traits: if we wish to meet our partner on such a deep level as conveyed by Bale and Anami.
My experiences of even realising that there is so much I do not know about my own femininity/masculinity have been challenging, as well as observing the masculinity/femininity of men in my life from a fresh perspective. But it nonetheless rang true for me, as my whole being responded to what I learnt. My body, mind and emotions screamed their confirmation in great intensity as I started exploring tips and exercises recommended by both Anami and Bale; and started incorporating a lot of the wisdom they share in my relations to my life-partner.
One of the more important aspects these two pillars communicate, is: it is no one's fault. It is not my fault if I do not freely let go of the reins that I have been taught to keep such a tight grip on - fearing not being safe and taken care of if letting emotions and expressions run free. It is not my man's fault if he has not, from early parts of his life, gotten to know his inner compass and dealt with inner fears and experiences of falling short.
The conditionings around us have pushed our focuses in other directions. The conditions around us have hindered such teachings being a natural part of the knowledge and experiences when growing up into big boys and girls, rather than men and women firmly anchored in healthy feminine and masculine energies.
The message I wish to contribute to the awareness of, is that it is never too late to address these imbalances, restraints and self-limitations; to process traumas and obstructions - self-inflicted and from the outside - in all areas of our lives.
But I am not one to offer the necessary guides, tools and advices: I highly recommend diving into Chris Bale's content; and also that of Kim Anami - especially if you dig the more colourful and "loud" approach! Perhaps you will enjoy checking out both their works, to see whether any of it resonates with you?
Tips and tools
As a woman: are you touching yourself? Do you spend time with only yourself and your body? Do you massage your breasts - the direct connection to your heart - which can further open up your lower parts, and make you more receptive for the masculine, when the safe and solid boundaries are in place, so that you can fully surrender and let go of everything?
Breathing deeply and calmly - while massaging your breasts; caressing all parts of your body (especially the ones you are not fond of!); letting everything that arises from within well up to the surface; tears, laughter, screaming, sobbing; raw, honest, real; can be extremely healing for your whole being.
As a man: are you touching yourself? Do you spend time with only yourself and your body? Do you massage your penis and testicles - the direct connection to your heart - which is ready to teach you about your enormous inner strength and clarity you embody within yourself? Do you know your powerful penetrating energy, which can help women to know themselves - and in return shower you in their love?
Breathing deeply and calmly - while massaging your penis; caressing all parts of your body (especially the parts you are not fond of!); letting everything that arises from within well up; feeling into painful, dark, light, heavy feelings and thoughts; raw, honest, real; while practising channeling the sensations in the penis into all parts of your body; can be extremely healing and strengthening for your whole being. Maybe you also want to learn how to contain your masculine energy according to your own will, without always having to empty it out in ejaculation?
As a woman: do you treat your man's penis as if it is his heart you are interacting with? Do you caress it, open to it, receive it in full surrender to the strong masculine energy it is gifting you?
As a man: do you treat your woman's breasts and vagina as if it is her heart you are interacting with? Do you caress them, with your firm and safe stance, and full attention; do you feel into the whole of her; are you patient and adjusting according to her signals? Do you receive her overflowing love when you open her up to herself?
- Communication: anything not addressed, and pushed aside, show up in intimate interactions. Allow space for open, honest and raw communication - from a loving place
- Men: when women express heaps of words and gesturing, the emotion underneath is of most importance
- Women: when men receive feedback it is crucial to allow them time and space to figure it out for themselves
- Men: when women wish for you to take the lead, it comes from an inner wish of giving away the reins - to then be able to harvest enough life-creating feminine energy for you both
- Women: when men wish to take the lead, it comes from an inner wish for creating safe, clear and supportive frameworks - rooted in his inner compass; thereby facilitating your free flow of feminine energy
When a woman taps into her masculine energy for structure in her daily life; whether running her own business or performing in her workplace; she may easily incorporate a lot of her feminine energy, though tend to emphasise the masculine. It is then of utmost importance that she knows a safe, free haven in other parts of her everyday life - for unfolding her creative flow - within the framework maintained by healthily masculine men in her life.
When a man taps into his masculine energy in everyday life; whether in his work or in the shaping and improvement of circumstances at home and in his surroundings; he may easily incorporate some of his feminine energy, though it is natural for him to follow his masculine driving force. But the man also needs to embrace his feminine qualities, energies and needs: to be met by the women in his life with care and love - without it coming from a motherly figure wanting to correct or constrain him (no matter how loving a place it is derived from).
Again, I am no expert in this field! I do however resonate with these aspects, and experience increased enrichment and value in my own life from incorporating them. I am convinced that reflecting, and conscious relating to, the healthy masculine and feminine can contribute favourably to any partnership: whether man-man, woman-woman, man-woman or parents' healthy roll models to their children.
Other bonuses offered by inner work and intimate collaboration:
- no dried up vaginas in women, or urine leakages from deficiently nurtured and exercised muscle tissue in the vagina
- no lack of powerful erections, or premature ejaculations, in men
- increased intimacy in coexistence - where a look, or presence in the room, is enough to awaken sexual urges (and waves of love, benefitting anyone in the vicinity)